My immediate thought was “Nope, not going out like this. I knew death was imminent, but to hear these words coming from a loved one made everything even more depressing. I wanted to cry because I knew I was dying. I want you to know it’s okay to let go.” I heard this and I felt a deep sadness. My visitor said “Jake, I’m not sure if you can hear me, but if you can, I can tell that you’re struggling and fighting for your life. As he was speaking to me, I could literally see his mouth moving and his facial expressions. I could see my visitor sitting in a chair, he was wearing blue jeans and a jacket. However, I could see everything in the room as if I had full range of vision. Keep in mind, I could not move my eyes at all. However, this continued on for a long period of time. It was strange, I could see myself and, at first, I thought I must have been hallucinating. I had a view of the entire room, like I was behind a fish-eye lens inside the ceiling from within a security camera. The medical staff would explain “We don’t think so, but we encourage you to speak to the patient as if they can hear you.” I remember a time when a family member came into my room and it was like my eyes were looking down on me from above. My visitors would come into my room and ask the nurses if I could hear them speaking. Before hospice, there was a time period of being completely locked in that lasted for about a month and a half where I was in the Neuro-ICU.
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January 2023
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